Almond flour biscuits

Biscuits!

Okay here's another one...

2 1/2 cups blanched almond flour
1/2 tsp sea salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 cup oil of your choice
2 eggs
1/2 cup *coconut milk unsweetened
8 drops stevia
8 drops lemon stevia
{or just 15 drops stevia}

*Depending on where you are in the diet, you could also add 1 tsp freshly squeezed *lemon juice. If you do that it would be 15 drops stevia and 1 tsp lemon juice.

Preheat the oven to 350 F. Line a large baking sheet with wax paper.
In a large bowl combine the almond flour, salt, and baking soda. In a medium bowl whisk together the oil, eggs, coconut milk, stevia {and optional lemon juice}. Stir the wet ingredients into the almond flour mixture until combined.
Drop the batter in large spoonfuls about 2 inches apart onto the baking sheet.
Bake for 15-20 minutes. Let cool briefly on baking sheet and then serve.

*Don't forget to count the carbs! If you want this to be a carb free biscuit just use water in place of the coconut milk and leave out the lemon. :) Less yummy... but less stress. And a limitless food, which is always good on this diet! At this point in Atty's diet I don't stress over the carbs in his biscuits any more, he doesn't have any reaction and I always pile on coconut oil or cashew butter on top for added fats. If I was adding say chopped fruit I would carefully count the carbs... but that has more to do with the sugar content. I don't worry about sour fruits anymore.

Almond flour bread!

Best Almond flour bread ever! :)
{I've actually already posted a bread recipe before, but this one is even better... haha!}
3/4 cup creamy cashew butter {or any nut butter you like}
4 large eggs
1/2 cup blanched almond flour
3 *tbsp of flax seed meal w/ 3 tbsp of water, let sit for a couple minutes to thicken

Update: I use to do the flax mix separately but now I just add it into the wet ingredients and let it sit in there for a couple minutes and it works just fine. You can also reduce the flax to two tablespoon if you want to with out messing up the bread, less carbs that way.
1/2 sea salt
1/2 baking soda

Preheat oven to 350 F. Grease a 7 by 3 inch loaf pan with oil {like grape seed, olive, or coconut} and dust with almond flour.
In a large bowl mix the nut butter with a handheld mixer until smooth, then blend in the eggs. In a medium bowl combine the almond flour, flax/water mix, salt, and baking soda. Blend the almond flour mixture into the wet ingredients. Pour the batter into the bread pan.
Bake for 40-45 minutes on the bottom rack of the oven. Let the bread cool in the pan for 1 hour.

*Don't forget to count the carbs in the flax meal! I don't do this for Atty anymore because he doesn't have any reaction and hasn't for about a year now of eating this bread... but if you are being careful of counting everything still then preslice the bread and split the carbs per slice to figure it out.

Makes a super yummy sandwich with some cashew butter in between two slices... one of Atty's favorites.

Sirens

When I am driving if an ambulance goes by with lights and sirens flashing it still chokes me up! My heart starts to race and I get a lump in my throat, my eyes moisten, I start to breath faster and my mind begins to race. I instantly flash back to the {multiple} ambulance rides Atty and I {and baby sister} went on during his seizure episodes. The feelings that I felt then come crashing over me again. Fear, confusion, frustration, that broken inside sensation. The non-stop begging and praying that was going on in my head, and frankly out loud at times as well. I can remember him clearly laying on that big gurney, showing how little he truly was. Looking so vulnerable. The eerie lighting, the sires sounding as we speed down the freeway. The paramedic attending to his needs. Talking to me to try and distract me from my obvious impending nervous break down. {Although I never did break down in front of any of them, I know I was teetering at moments, especially in the dark of the ambulance when I couldn't stop the tears from coming.} I would sit there and tell him over and over again that mommy was right there, don't be afraid, we will fix this, I love you, it's going to be okay. I just wanted him to hear my voice and know that I was right there. The fear that I felt in those moments of uncertainty still overwhelms me. Our lives when from normal {what ever that is} to absolute turmoil in the blink of an eye. It was so fast it was hard for my brain to catch up. I felt like I was having a horrid night mare so many times through that whole process.

So now we are on the other side, I know this when those feelings wash over me, and it still doesn't make them any less raw. They still hurt. But only for a moment. Then I glace into the rear view mirror and see the smiling face of a healthy happy boy and I remind myself of how far we have come. And I'm so glad that in the end I could keep those desperate promises.

bye bye curls... hope to see you again soon.

When Atty was on all of his medicine for seizures his hair started falling out. It started to look like he had a comb over. So we shaved it. For me it was a sad moment to shave off all his beautiful red hair, and I shed a tear or two. First it had been covered with the helmet when he was having all the drop attacks and then shaved. It was hard to get use to, not seeing all that red hair all the time.Then as he got healthier and healthier and got off all the medicine his hair grew back. Boy oh Boy did it grow back, beautiful, curly red hair. It became a sign of health for me, all that beautiful red hair. I let it grow, and grow, and grow.
The other night I gave my husband a really short hair cut {I've the official hair cutter in our family} and the boys decided they all wanted their hair cut like daddy. Including Atticus. My heart sank. I'm not one to care normally whether my kids have long or short hair, or even what clothes they wear, etc... I like to let them make those choices for the most part. But I'll admit Atty's long hair had so many meanings to me... I was definitely more attached to his hair then he was. It was sort of funny because my husband was trying to talk Bubu out of cutting his hair, he likes it longer, and I was trying to talk Atty out of cutting his. But in the end Bubu had some words of wisdom for us. He said "it's just hair, it will grow back". He's right of course... my wise son. My daughter also wanted a hair cut, but it's taken almost two years to get the tiny bit she has so I'll admit I gave her a fake hair cut... which made her happy, so all is well. Funny thing is Atty went last, because I tried to avoid it to the very end, and when he sat down he said "mom I don't want my hair cut like baby sister, I want it cut like Bubu". Smart little kid. :) And you know what I probably would have tried that if he hadn't called me out on it. That's what I did on the last round of hair cuts. It worked that time, but he let me know in no uncertain terms that it wasn't going to work this time. So I took a deep breath, cut his hair, shed a tear and saved some curls. And we move on, it's hair... it will grow back.


And all that matters this time is that he is healthy, short hair and all.

Pinata, pinata, pinata...

We went to a family birthday party last weekend. I was told ahead of time that there was going to be a pinata, and his auntie said that she would buy Atty some special little toys to make up for the candy he can't have. Which was very sweet... I am thankful to have such supporting family members through this whole thing. The only problem left was how to deal with  piñata time. Should we take Atty somewhere else during that part? Should he just stand and watch? Should he participate and then give the candy to auntie for a trade? Everything else I had covered, I made him his special cupcakes for cake time, and I made him his type of bread and crackers, I packed his bag full of his type of food. But I just wasn't sure what to do at pinata time... I don't want him to feel left out, the magic diet already draws attention to him and has the potential to make him feel like he's on the outside of the group. So in the end I decided that if he wanted to participate he could. It's so hard to know what the best choice is. Last year {same kids party} my husband just distracted Atty, which was easier because he was littler. At yet another pinata party last year I just didn't call him over and there was so much going on he didn't seem to notice at first or care. I don't think he really understood. Plus there were toys in that pinata with the candy and he got some of those. This year everything seems a little harder in some ways. He's just so much more aware. I talked with him about the pinata. We went over what would happen and that he could choose to participate or not. That if he did participate he could collect the candy if he wanted to and then trade it with his auntie for special toys. He let it be know that he wanted to and that he understood. I also made him his freezer candies so that he would have his own treats as well. He was pretty excited about that. Pinata time rolled around and a pit grew in my stomach. Did I make the right choice? Would this blow up in my face, would he clutch the candy screaming and crying at the top of his lungs in front of everyone? I called him over like I said I would and he stood by my side, in the end he said he didn't want to swing at the pinata and clung to my side instead. When the pinata finally broke open, everything got pretty loud and scattered as kids scrambled for falling candy... and that is when Atty fell apart. A cry from deep down inside burst forth and he was lost. It was such a heart broken cry. He was completely overwhelmed. I quickly picked him up and walked away. We found a quiet corner to hid. I will admit I also became completely overwhelmed by his sadness and tears started streaming down my face, I had to swallow hard against the sobbing that threatened to escape. I feel so frustrated and helpless some times by all of this. Not that I really want any of my kids to have candy. I wasn't upset about the candy in particular, I don't feel like any of my kids really need to eat candy. It was just that he couldn't do what everyone else was doing, it's not a choice, he simply can't. I just don't want one to feel left out while the other ones have fun. I also don't want to make all my kids feel like the odd ones out, sitting on the sidelines watching all the fun. I sat with Atty while we calmed down and then we talked about it a little. I think it just all hit him at once and became all too real for him before he had a chance to process it. One minute the kids were taking turns swinging and the next candy was everywhere and the kids were going crazy picking it up. Atty doesn't do well in commotion like that and then the added context of candy just threw it over the top. Anyways after we had calmed down and talked {I had hid my tears fairly well from Atty, didn't want to add to the situation or make him feel like I was feeling sorry of him. Feeling sorry for ourselves won't do us any good. It is what it is. Sad at times, but over all good. } I asked him if he was ready for his treats. That brightened him right up. We went and got them and then he lead me back to the quiet spot to eat them. I really liked that he knew he needed more quiet time and found it on his own. He sure is growing up. All and all I'm not sure that I would have done it any different. Except that in retrospect I probably shouldn't have talked about so many times with him before hand. I felt like I wanted him well prepared, but I think it just made it a bigger deal for him, and I know by now that that doesn't actually work well with him. It works really well for one of his brothers, but it doesn't seem to work for him. Makes it into too big of a deal or something. He is sometimes very hard to figure out. I think I'm going to have to claim the pinata back for kids who can't have candy and get one for his birthday next year... and fill it full of toys. I've also decided from now on that when ever I know there is a pinata at a party I will get little toys and trinkets for all my children and then after the party any candy they bring home I will trade them the candy for the "special prize of toys and trinkets". Because I can't really have the candy sitting around the house anyways and they can't eat it in front of Atty. Plus they really liked Atty's toys and I have a feeling all in all they feel like they are the ones that ended up on the short end of the stick. Candy... who cares. Toys last longer and are way more awesome. :)

Rambling... is there anything else I do?

Wow I am really not doing as well as I wanted to with keeping this blog updated. I wanted to record the whole experience of healing Atty better then this!


Atty is still doing so well. Although I think this second year into the diet might be harder in some ways. It's been a long time since he's had a seizure {well over a year is a long time for an kid} and so it's a lot farther from his mind. We talk about it from time to time and I made a video that we watch on occasion, but time still fades the memory. Which is good, and bad. In the first year he really listened and seemed to understand the absolute importance of following the diet exactly. Now he asks more for things he can't have or seconds on foods that he is limited on. I think also the fact that I am slowly switching over to a diet similar to the GAPS diet makes this an adjustment period for us. Because I am giving him unlimited non-starchy vegetables now and more of certain fruit {always paired with a fat}. I think the fact that I am making these changes makes him wonder what else can change. He hasn't thrown any fits yet when I tell him no on a food request, but he has sulked and or refused to eat the food he was offered in exchange.


I mentioned that I am switching him over to a diet similar to the GAPS diet. A while ago someone suggested that I read Gut and Psychology Syndrome by Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride. I think I've mentioned this before. It took me a while to get the book as it's fairly pricey, but wow am I glad I did. Absolutely valuable. I've actually already loaned it out to quite a few more people who couldn't afford to buy it themselves, and every one who has read it has been blown away. I think it's a great read for anyone personally. Anyways I really feel that this is the diet that is the exact match for Atty. The MAS diet has done wonders, but it's focus is not on healing the gut and the health of the gut is directly related to Atty's health issues in my opinion {and the opinion of many others, including the doctor who wrote the book}. The GAPS diet has been used to heal others with seizure disorders but it's not as well know as the Ketogenic diet or the MAS diet. Which mean it's hardly talked about at all. I think this is a real shame. I'm not totally switching Atty over right away, it's going to be a slow transition. The GAPS diet is not a whole lot different then the MAS diet. I think the main difference for us is in the MAS diet you count carbs where as in the GAPS diet you focus on certain types of foods and food that heal the gut and build good bacteria in the intestines. They both exclude a lot of the same foods. There are some foods on the GAPS diet I wouldn't introduce yet {possibly in another year or two} that being the types of dairy products that are allowed like home made yogurt, certain beans and grain {a select few} and also honey. That's why I say a diet similar to the GAPS diet. Atty for at least the next year will still not have any dairy, no grain of any kind, no dried beans/peas, and no other sweeteners except stevia. The diet is a little to complicated I think to go into in great detail here, but it basically works in stages, you slowly introduce different foods as the gut begins to heal. Some times after the gut has healed up some people can tolerate food they were not able to tolerate before with out having any of the symptoms they were suffering from coming back. I'm not sure what all Atty will eventually be able to eat but I don't think he will ever be able to eat with out some restrictions.


This whole experience, while it has been eye opening and so exciting seeing him get better, it has also been very wearing on me. I have been fighting this drag me down feeling more and more lately. I just feel like being super lazy. Me saying something like that is like me sharing a deep dark secret. I'm embarrassed. Seriously. I am anything but lazy, in fact my husband wishes I would mellow out sometimes. I take multitasking to a whole new level. I can hardly sit still for a minute {unless I have a really good book, but even then I read in spurts interrupted by wild cleaning}. I generally can't even sit still for a movie. I won't sit still for a movie if the room is a mess or there is laundry to fold. So me feeling lazy, and I mean really really don't want to clean or cook another thing lazy, is odd. It's very out of character. It has me worried. I have to talk myself into picking up lately, into cooking and cleaning. I find myself fantasizing about curling up in bed for days. Or getting in my van and just driving, anywhere far away, alone. Of course I won't do any thing like that but the fact that I am even thinking like this is bothering me. Some times I wish I could just be a lazy mom and let my house go and just relax for a bit. But I can't and I won't and so that is that. I keep on going. That's what I do. But right now I just have to say... I don't want to.


Just admitting this on here makes me not want to post it, but I started this blog to be real about what was really going on with Atty and the whole situation and I'm a big part of it so I guess I have to be real about that too right? Sigh. Me and my ridiculous perfectionism that I can never live up to, will I ever let it go? Okay I'm done asking questions that you totally don't have to answer.

Now back to my super busy crazy life that I can not escape from {and don't actually want too}.

PARTY!!!

And they all said NO MORE SEIZURES! :) Had Atty's party this weekend and it was awesome. So nice to celebrate with friends and family this amazing milestone. One whole year down, and Saturday also happened to be his last day on medicine! The power of diet and diet alone!!!

Atty's face just glowed with happiness the whole time. It was hard to get any un-blurry pictures of him because he was all over the place visiting and celebrating. He loved sharing his food with everyone. I spent two days making different foods for sampling, all out of almond flour. On the menu was:

Almond flour bread and cashew butter sandwiches

Herb crackers {using herbs straight out of my garden!}

Sesame crackers

Pecan shortbread cookies

muffins

I also had to make him biscuits in the middle of baking, so that he would have something to eat before the party...

Also on the menu:

Chicken strips made with almond flour coating

His type of hot dogs, cut into strips and boiled so they curl {we call them worms, ha ha!}

Macadamia nut "humus" for dipping

Cashew/Tahini/Olive oil dipping sauce or salad dressing

Mustard for dipping

A non-starchy veggies tray

A fruit tray with his types of fruit {we did have to put this on a separate table to make sure he didn't eat more then he was suppose to.}

Baby spinach greens

Macadamia nuts

A big batch of camomile tea over ice sweetened with stevia

I also made his guacamole and his heart shaped freezer treats but I forgot to put those out. Oh well. Everyone enjoyed the food, which was nice. I'll admit my first attempts at his food weren't the best, so it was really nice seeing people actually enjoying eating his food and declaring it yummy. :) Atty loved that it was a party that he could actually go up to the table and eat what ever he wanted. What a relief.

After food and conversation we moved on to trophies. I had trophies made for each of the kids with a special engraving on each one. I wanted them all to understand that I noticed and appreciated their hard work. This diet had been hard work for everyone, it involves the whole family and I am just proud beyond words of my kids. I can't even think about it with out tearing up. In fact I was so emotional that I couldn't talk and had to have my dearest friend give out the trophies at first while I tried to compose myself. By the time it was Atty's turn I had a better handle on myself and was able to speak and give him his trophy. "For your bravery and dedication against all odds. " It was a really special moment.

We all clapped and cheered for each and every one of them. They all felt very proud of themselves, as they should.

Then my mom surprised my hubby and I with trophies as well. It was so sweet and thoughtful of her.

Go Team Rivers!


I got all emotional all over again, and made a super ugly cry face, trying to express to the people there how much their love and support has meant to me. I had tried to warn everyone ahead of time that there were going to be tears... I'm pretty sure just about everyone there shed a tear or two {or more} and we all hugged. It was food for my soul.

Showing off their trophies, or in Lala's case... eating it! Yummy. Her trophy was for brightening up the dark days and bringing a smile to her brothers face. She was sometimes the only one who could get him to smile in the hospital.

Atty's posing for his trophy picture.

Ira showing his hard earned trophy for his excellent team spirit.

The proud big brother showing his hard earned trophy as well, for being an outstanding team player. :)

All of their trophies said, Go Team Rivers! Which is something we say a lot because it helps the kids to work together. We even have an all hands in cheer we do, because were silly like that.

After the trophies we had almond flour cupcakes. There were twelve candles to celebrate the twelve months seizure free and we all shouted "No More Seizures" before blowing out the candles together. Half of the cupcakes I frosted with a cashew butter/coconut oil/stevia mix that is super yummy and the other half I frosted with Nutella {for the people with out allergies}. Let me just say that Nutella frosting is amazing. The cupcakes where strawberry flavored using his flavored powdered stevia drink mix and then I added a slice of strawberry on top. Not a single cupcake was wasted. Major success!

Atty enjoying his muffin. Quite a few of the people at the party are switching to diets similar {but not a strict or as high in fat} as Atty's diet and were really interested in all the food. They loved the almond flour baked goods and now want to order almond flour for themselves. They all felt it was much yummier then the gluten free alternative they use. Exciting to be part of a better health movement! The GAPS diet is what I want to switch Atty to and that is what most of the people there were interested in. I ordered the book 'Gut and Psychology Syndrome' by Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride a while back and already have a waiting list of people who want to read it. I think it's an eye opening must read for everyone to understand the body better. Diet affects so many things that many of us have never even connected before.

Atticus, you are my Champion and I am so proud of you! One more year and you earned yourself a lizard! {Something I promised at the beginning of the diet...} It might end up being a bird instead though, as you are now really into birds, I guess we will just wait and see. Either way you are half way there!!!